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Should I only consider women who are fluent in English? Good question. The answer may surprise you.
When considering a wife from another country, her ability to speak and understand English is a concern. The desire for meaningful communications before and during the marriage makes the need for a common language very great. Many of my prospective and new male clients will tell me that they are only interested in women who are fluent in English. This Encounters International Handbook section is where I want to explain why considering only women fluent in English may not always bring the desired result.
There are some real differences in the value of a foreign language in the United States and in Russia or Ukraine. In the USA, knowing a second (or third) language may be fun or even helpful. However, it is doubtful that knowing another language will change you life or the way you live. In other words, for the average person, knowing another language will not invoke drastic life changes.
Now, let's consider women from Russia or Ukraine who are fluent in English. If she knows the English language very well, it will have a definite, positive impact on her life. You have to understand that English is a highly marketable commodity in the Russian and Ukrainian business worlds.
Fluency in English is the ticket to a much more prominent position and vastly higher wages. As such, her increased income permits a much higher standard and quality of life in her country. In fact, being fluent in the English language often results in her having a better salary than doctors or attorneys in her country!
Therefore, a woman, fluent in English, has a pretty nice and comfortable life in her homeland. It follows then that she will anticipate to have a higher class lifestyle in America as well. For the equivalent of $1,000 per month in Russia, a woman can live in the upper class of society. Of course, it will take much more than an average income to permit her to continue the lifestyle she has become accustomed to in Russia or Ukraine.
For my average male clients, providing anything above the middle class lifestyle is not possible. There is absolutely wrong with this aspect of American life. The problems begin if he is matched to a woman with other anticipations of lifestyle. Clearly, there are some clients who have the resources to provide her with the desired lifestyle.
I have found that women with fluency in English are most likely very well educated. Part of the current college or university curriculum in Russia and Ukraine includes learning the English language. Thus most college graduates will have some degree of English fluency. In addition, these women have a high intellect.
Thus it's very important for me to ensure there is a compatibility match with my male clients in the amount of education. Some of the women do not care about the level of formal education a man may have. Still others will specify that he must be well-educated. Thus, they are seeking a man with a similar formal educational level or background.
Another byproduct of English fluency is increased self-confidence; at times over confidence. Nevertheless, Russian and Ukrainian women seek a husband who will assume the leadership roll in the relationship, marriage, and family life. No matter what amount of self-confidence she may have, she expects to man with a greater amount who will become the leader. Of course, the higher the level of self-confidence she has, the greater the level he must possess in order to assume his leadership role. Thus, artificially inflated self-confidence on the part of the woman means the man for her must be even or secure and self-confident.
This is bad news for insure men. If a man believes that he is somehow lucky to 'get' the beautiful woman he has married, and lacks the security and self-confidence in this relationship, she will challenge him for leadership. Russian and Ukrainian women will ask me for a strong man. She does not mean a physically fit man. She wants to have a husband in this leadership roll.
It is important for men who are average on the security and self-confidence scales to consider women who are not fluent in the English language. Otherwise, the match will not be compatible in some key areas.
The other side of this discussion is that without a command of English, she will be very dependent on the man for everything. Depending on how my male clients approach this situation it can be good or bad.
Patience will permit the man to undergo a wonderful learning and teaching experience. Her dependence allows him the opportunity to shape into the partner he desires through his king, gentle, and patient actions!
On the other extreme, this may turn out to be the most frustrating times ever. If you are uncomfortable being the rock for her to lean on at every turn, you will not be happy in this stage of the relationship.
The point is that English fluency has an impact on many other areas of life that most men never considered.
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